Paper explosions and the ballad of the Rolodex

My desk looks like a paper suicide bomber hit it.

Brochures are bunkering under the wine glass (completely unused unfortunately, just a sample sent to us by a product company). Newsletters and grant drafts have started a support group near the old desktop computer, which was used for 8 hours on my very first day of work, before I got a laptop. Golf tournament hats and a half eaten package of sprees are shooting the breeze near a display for a silent auction package donated by a photographer. A barren Rolodex sits near the edge. He looks like he's contemplating to end it all. I can't stop him, silly Rolodex, computers and cell phones hold phone numbers waaay better than you do!

Rolodex: There's no point to living, I haven't been turned ever, I'm still a turn virgin.
Me: Well, maybe if you didn't take more than 15 seconds to help me find a contact you'd have lost that v-card.
Rolodex- Maybe you should stop and smell the roses and take your eyes off the damn computer!
Me: Hey, the computer gets me, she can pull up the contact I need in 5 seconds. You sir are an embarrassment to contact finding, and I would further encourage you to take that jump into the trashcan full of paper I finally had the guts to throw away.
Rolodex: Fine!
Me: Wait, no, I need you, but not for utilitarian purposes, cause, seriously, you're way outdated. I need you to hold all these freaking business cards I get from every single person I accidentally look at during a networking event. Plus, you make my desk look somewhat professional.
Rolodex: I hate myself and you.

When I attempt to clean my desk, I just end up shoving a bunch of those papers into a file cabinet or I trade a sea of papers for a set of neatly stacked papers (with no actual semblance of order to them, more or less stacked because they were within the vicinity of the papers they were stacked with).

Two days later the paper bomber generally hits again. When will the world go paperless and stop all this madness?